Mitch Martinez arrested for Child Porn

Is it even Memorial Day Weekend if a kid you went to high school with didn’t get arrested for child porn?

QUINCY — A Weymouth man is facing an additional charge of child pornography possession after investigators say they found more explicit images of children in his online accounts.

Mitchell Martinez, 22, of 126 Lakehurst Ave., Weymouth, was originally arraigned on one count of child pornography in Quincy District Court on Jan. 31 after police say an anonymous tip from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children led investigators to images on Martinez’ electronic devices.

Around that same time, investigators served a search warrant on Dropbox, an online data storage company, seeking electronic records connected to an online account labeled with an alias traced back to Martinez.

Dropbox responded on Feb. 20, granting investigators access to an account where they said they found an additional 285 videos displaying explicit content.

“I viewed most of the videos, and in my training and experience, they meet the requirements of child pornography,” a State Police trooper wrote in the arrest report.

The documents provided by Dropbox proved the account was accessed through an internet protocol address traced to Martinez’s Lakehurst Avenue address, according to investigators.

Police sent the files to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, which told investigators on March 20 that its child recognition and identification system had identified 48 video files and one additional file that contained known child victims.

Martinez was arraigned on the second charge of possession of child pornography on Wednesday. A judge imposed the same conditions that were imposed under the first charge, releasing Martinez on his promise to return to court on Aug. 8.

He has also been prohibited from contacting children under 18, leaving the state, using the internet and possessing pornographic material.

 

There are like 6 people who truly understand how funny of a story this is, but it’s still worth writing about. I know traditionally a child porn case isn’t exactly “haha land”, but if you went to high school with this kid like I did, it’s the best thing you’ve read in a long time. If you went to Weymouth High School between 2009 and 2013, this is the least shocking news ever. Mitch Martinez was always an absolute lunatic, it’s just nice to finally have it in writing. He was also one of those kids you weren’t sure if it was okay to make fun of, but now that it’s out that he has 285 child porn videos it’s fair to say he’s lost that immunity.

First off, 285 porn videos is an impressive collection. Pedophilia aside, at least he had a hobby. I honestly wish I was passionate about something as much as Mitch Martinez is passionate about child porn. If he could have applied that to, I don’t know, absolutely anything else in this world, he’d be in much better shape. At least legally speaking.

There’s no way he even watched all those videos. 285 is a lot of content, maybe too much. I wonder if he went the binge watching route, or was more of a pick and choose type guy? You think he had the “Are you still watching” feature. “Hey Mitch are you still watching or you finally in prison?”

I feel like it’s like me and The Office. Yea, there are 9 seasons, but I’ll watch season 4 three times in a row before I watch season 8 once. My point is it’s hard not to play favorites when you’re dealing with that much content.

You don’t just casually collect 285 porn videos, that takes some serious time and research. I don’t have 285 of anything. Dollars, brain cells, nothing. The organizational skills needed alone are impressive.

It’s also hilarious that he used Dropbox. I think that’s when you know you have a porn problem, right? When you’re using a business tool used to share documents and collaborate on projects to organize your videos of little kids. Personally I think he would have been better off with Google Docs (it’s more intuitive), but that’s probably beside the point. At least he now has a transferable skill. “Hey Mitch I see you’re proficient in Dropbox, how’d you learn to use that software? Also why do you want to work at this daycare? The benefits, you say? What benefits exactly?” 

And how about the cop watching every single video. You think after watching the first 10 seconds of the first video he’d have enough to make a case, but nope, he felt it was necessary to watch hours of footage before coming to a conclusion. You also probably brag about your “training and experience” with child porn. You know how much training and experience I have with child porn? None. And that’s one of the few things I have going for me.

Lastly, I feel like the punishment should have been a bit more severe. Basically all that happened was that he got his phone taken away. It doesn’t really fit the crime. You shouldn’t be punished for child porn possession the same way I was punished for bringing home a bad report card in 7th grade.

So yea, Weymouth John, Mitch Martinez, Me. Lot of talent coming out of the 781 recently. I just hope he comes to the five year reunion. Then again, while everyone else is going back in time, letting the kids inside of us loose, he’ll probably be too busy letting loose inside a kid.

 

Fucking Jellybean (if you know, you know)

 

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A cat fight breaking out at the Weymouth Planet Fitness is the least shocking news ever

More trouble in paradise (Weymouth) today. This time, a woman caught the absolute hands from a manager at Planet Fitness after she tried to cancel her membership. (Cocky move to cancel your gym membership right before summer. Someone’s confident with her body. Good for her.) The video was posted on Facebook, and has already gained 53,000 views.

Despite the video only being 17 seconds, there’s a lot to break down.

First we have Tracy. I’m not sure if that’s her real name but it probably is.

planet fit 1

Although she only makes a short cameo, Tracy’s performance undeniably stands out. She had one line and she fucking nailed it. “Byeee”. Just look at her. Arms: crossed. Shoulders: relaxed. Face: Resting and bitchy. Hands: Ready for anything. Then the camera pans away from her, and she gets right back to writing that passive aggressive Yelp review. That’s a professional. That’s a company woman. Business in the front, probably a lot of sadness and regret in the back.

Then it got a bit spooky when the camera hit the Princess of Darkness, who 1000% has Hot Topic listed somewhere on her resume:

planet fit 2

She definitely had an argument with her mother before work this morning because mom hid her cigarettes again, so she doesn’t have time for any of this shit. She stays silent throughout the entire altercation, and I’m pretty sure that’s because she’s busy casting a hex. Also I’m no fashion diva, but wearing that red choker with a purple polo shirt might be the most serious crime committed in this video. I know you’re the princess of darkness, but maybe try turning on a light when you get dressed. I do respect the crossed arms though. Bad bitch 101.

Then we have the star of the show:

planet fit 3

She opens with a strong right handed clipboard swing, a move I’m pretty sure has been banned from most MMA gyms. That’s some WWE Tables Ladders and Chairs type shit. The minute office supplies are being incorporated into a fight, all bets are off. We’ve now entered the wild west. (Noticed the arms still crossed in the background.)

Things really get interested when she gets mobile. Say what you want but you have to admit she’s light on her feet.

planet fit 4

Coming out from behind the desk like Toll Booth Willy himself. The sky is the limit on what can happen from here. I just pray she’s not wearing khakis, because everyone knows never to mess with a woman in khakis.

khakis

FUCK she’s wearing khakis. Okay, no need to panic just yet. She starts strutting her shit right at the camera and now things are about to get real. At this point in 70% sure I’m about to witness a murder.

glasses

She then takes off her glasses, holds them in her right hand, and I’ll be honest, I thought she was about to come over the top with a hammer fist right here. Assault via reading glasses. An old librarian trick. I call it the Mother Goose.

She ends up keeping that move in her back pocket, and opts for the verbal assault. She gets up close and personal to the camera, and she hits us with a cleavage shot.

cleavage shot

If we’re being candid, this old fox is still bringing the heat. She’s got sort of a Caitlin Jenner look going on, and I’m man enough to say she’s pulling it off.

Overall, I have to give the woman behind the camera credit, she’s 10x braver than I would have been in the situation. The minute that manager turned that corner around the desk I would have been in car my with the doors locked. There’s nothing more scary in the world than an angry middle aged white woman.

Then again, the Facebook post was a bit dramatic:

I went to Planet Fitness to cancel my membership today. The manager was rude, talked down to me, lied to me about my contract, and then called me a cunt. Once I started recording, the manager grabbed my arm, threw my thousand dollar iPhone X to the ground, and proceeded to physically assault me.

The phone’s ok, but I am scraped. Bruised. And can’t stop crying. I can’t believe someone would try to hurt me over a $21.99 a month gym membership.

Thousand dollar iPhone X? Grow up, we all know it came discounted with the plan. If I know Weymouth like I think I do, that has Metro PCS written all over it. And since most stories have two sides, and gym managers don’t usually fight people for no reason, I don’t think that c-word title was unearned. I think it’s safe to assume that you were most likely acting in a cunty fashion before the camera started rolling. The timing of the camera being turned on seems a little to convenient. I’m not saying you didn’t have a valid reason to act like a cunt, but self awareness is always important in these type of situations.

In all, it’s nice to see Weymouth sticking to it’s routes. It’s nice to have that type of consistency to come home to. Whenever anyone asks me what Weymouth is like, there’s never enough sunlight or manpower to explain, so it’s helpful to have a video like this pop up once in a while to do the explaining for me.

 

The Weymouth vs. Brockton Youth Football game ending in a brawl is the least surprising news ever

weymouth fight

This is why we need a Weymouth John Bat Signal.

It’s refreshing to know that despite all the changes going on in this world, my hometown of Weymouth, Massachusetts is sticking to it’s roots. The best thing that Weymouth has going for it is the fact that it’s not Brockton, so it’s good that we can still assert our dominance, even if it’s just in a youth football game. Brockton is catching up to us though. I’ll admit that, but at least we have the ocean to wash away our needles.

Is there anything better than a youth football brawl? Some may say that these kids are taking youth sports too seriously, but in a town like Weymouth, where most kids die from heroin overdoses by the age of 18, youth sports are pretty important. It’s gotten to the point where they were probably selling Narcan at the concession stand. Lots of people think that youth football is a dying sport, due to the risk of serious injury, but concussions seem a bit trivial in a place where Fentanyl is considered a recreational drug.

Brockton is also a special town in it’s own way. It’s somehow able to have all the negative characteristics of an inner city, despite being located in the suburbs. I feel like youth sports are quite prominent in Brockton as well, considering most kids have 8 children by the time they get their driver’s license. It’s tough to make football practice when you gotta pay child support. I guess condoms are seen as an unnecessary cost when you have to save up for the new Jordans that are coming out.

I also assume every player on that team was at least 24 years old. If you’ve ever wondered why Brockton’s school system is so bad, it’s because it takes most of the students 7 years to graduate high school. That’s not great for the school budget, which I assume is already pretty tight. It’s must be challenging to pull in tax dollars when all of your residence are aspiring rappers.

I’m assuming Weymouth won the fan brawl, because I have a feeling that most of the Brockton players’ fathers weren’t present for the game, or their childhood. Then again, I’m pretty sure every woman in Brockton could beat the absolute shit out of me. Also most of the Weymouth dads probably already used up all their punches on their wives the night before, so it might actually be a toss up.

I’m not sure what Brockton’s mascot is, but I feel like it should just be a food stamp. The Brockton Newport Methanol 100’s also has a pretty nice ring it. I would also be down for the Brockton Used Car Dealerships.

I’m just glad that Weymouth youth sports are still the healthy past time that I remember. Hopefully they continue to grow and prosper so the boosters can afford to add brass knuckles to the uniforms.