Hero climbs on top of playground and starts screaming at kids about sex

A man with facial tattoos was arrested in Clearwater Beach this weekend after police said he climbed atop of a piece of playground equipment and began telling children about where babies come from.

Otis Ryan, 30, was charged with disorderly conduct. Parents rushed to remove their children from the playground after Ryan started shouting, police said.

Police said the children present were between 4 and 6 years old.

Court records show that Ryan was found guilty and fined $118. He has been ordered to stay away from the park.

This is why sex ed is important to have in school. If we’re not careful, we’re about to have a generation who’s main understanding of sexual health came from a guy with a face tattoo. Then again, is that really a bad thing?

School budgets all around the country are tight, so why not outsource sex ed to gentlemen like this who are willing to do it for free? He might not be the hero we deserve, but he’s definitely the hero that we need.

I’ll be honest I’m still not 100% sure how sex works. You remember how hard it was to label the Midwestern states back geography class because they all looked the same? At age 22 I  have that type of trouble labeling a vagina. (Not that I try to label vagina diagrams in my free time). So I’m just saying, maybe if I had this guy teaching me about the birds and the bees, instead of growing up being told that masturbation will kill me (in their defense I have had some close calls), I might be in a better position than I am right now.

Also I’m a little bitter that this never happened when I was at the playground as a kid (or even now when I go there and watch from a distance). And only a $118 fine? Not a bad price to pay. I have nothing to do this afternoon, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t checked my bank balance to see if I could afford that (I can’t).

Overall, this is another great reminder that you should always take advice from a stranger with face tattoos. A man like that has no reason to lie, because he has absolutely nothing to lose. He’s the definition of someone who has no one to answer to. Mostly because he’ll never have a boss or a job. “But you shouldn’t judge someone solely based on their tattoos”. Okay I’ll agree with you next time I go to the doctor and my physician has a neck tat and a full sleeve. If I wanted to waste money on something involving a needle I’d do heroin like the responsible adult I am.