These are thoughts that aren’t big enough for their own blogs, and random jokes I don’t have anywhere to put, but my ego has gotten big enough that I feel the need to post them. I hate myself.

“Who decided to integrate sex toys and smoke shops? Like oh this guy’s buying a vape, he’ll probably want a dildo to go along with that.”

“You think homeless dogs ever look at their owner and think ‘Dude get it together, even I don’t beg for food that much’.”

“I saw this girl wearing the same dress as me today…….Fucking lesbian.”

“I’ve seen all 50 states. It was on Google maps, but still.”

“I think my friend is gay, because every time I ask him about his sexuality, he won’t give me a straight answer.”

“What do you call a strip club Syria? A petting zoo.”

“Putting a “Prove People Wrong” sticker on the bumper of your ’98 Corolla is easiest way to prove people right.

“Pet stores and Asian Delis are eerily similar”

“I once read an article about suicide in Life Magazine”

“I think I’m going to name my wallet virginity so I can finally lose it.”

“Homeless people holding signs stating they’re homeless seems redundant”

“I hope to one day find someone I fall in love with, every day, all over again, as we wake up in our bed every morning together naked….For now, I guess my dad will have to do.”

“I’ve definitely been to this rest stop before”- Me, not being able to comprehend that all rest stops looks the same.

“I used a gender neutral a bathroom today and ended up giving birth. Those things do really work”