Summer is all about adventures. Whether it’s late night car rides, bonfires, beach trips, or ruining my parents marriage, you’re guaranteed to make some life long memories. That goes double when comes to dating, so here are some original, quirky date ideas that are perfect for those long summer nights:
Steal a child
Obviously we’ve all heard stories about couples having a kid to save their relationship, but you know what creates an even stronger bond between a man and a woman? An open warrant for kidnapping.
Stealing a child is perfect for those couple who just don’t have the time for all the paperwork that comes with adoption. Also think about it as a little present to yourself. You’re wife can’t get fat if she’s always on the run. That’s the definition of a true gym couple.
And I know most people see a child as a financial burden, but I personally see it more as a business investment. I see a newborn baby and immediately think third income. The minute I steal that baby I’m putting it to work. No need to labor a child when you can put a child to labor. Also you won’t have that annoying biological bond that you have with a child of your own, so you’ll have no problem working the kid extra hard.
Call in a bomb threat
Oh you think mini-golf is a cute summer date, well apparently you’ve never called in a bomb threat with a pretty girl. So go ahead and call that girl from last weekend, tell her to put on a cute little number, and take her to the nearest pay phone. And I know people are thinking, “Tim, how can you call in a bomb threat during the summer when all the schools are closed”. Those people are simple minded. Get creative. A post office will do the trick just fine.
Try to sneak guns through airport security and whoever gets caught has to buy dinner
A fun bet is always a great idea. There’s nothing cuter than a little competition, just ask Israel or Palestine. There’s also nothing more erotic than airport security. Some people call stop and frisking a hassle, I call it foreplay. Also I’m pretty sure Cinnabon is an aphrodisiac.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
I know, I know, volunteering fucking sucks (your words not mine), but it can actually end up being a great date. First off, everyone knows you go up at least two points on the hotness scale when surrounded by homeless men. Comparatively speaking, you’ll look like Ryan Reynolds. It also reminds the girl that it could be worse. Like “Well at least he’s doesn’t do meth”. The $18 I have in my bank account looks a lot bigger when I’m standing next to a man who’s vacation home is a shopping cart.
Lastly, if you don’t get lucky after you can just slip Hobo Mike a $10 and he’ll take care of you himself. Life’s all about backup plans.
Plan a double date to the movies but then the girls don’t show up
This isn’t even clever, but my 6th grade girlfriend did this to me and I’m still not fucking over it. People don’t forget. My mom was going to drive us home and everything. Then again, my friend and I had a great time on our own that day. Ever since then I’ve been addicted to chilling with the boys.