Does Earth really deserve it’s own holiday?

Yesterday was Earth day, and honestly, why? Earth gets a lot of hype these days, and I feel like much of it is undeserved. I mean is Earth really that spectacular? Sure, Earth is decent. It’s sufficient. It does the trick. But I’m not sure it’s resume truly adds up to holiday status. Is Earth really that special of a place? There’s a universe beyond us that travels outwards infinitely. Earth can’t be the best it gets, can it?

I mean think about it. First off, Earth is full of billions of people, almost all of which you don’t like, a few you can tolerate, and several you actually enjoy. And even the people you like still suck. They’re still late all the time. They still don’t split ubers. And even if you did find compatibility with the entire human race, still, you can only communicate with an acute fraction of the population. And let’s face it, there’s no one on Earth that’s interesting enough that being able to converse with them is worth the $59.99 payment for Rosetta Stone.

And think of the other planets. Mars is pretty dope. We could build some townhouses there. Yea Saturn’s ring is a little queer, but we could gentrify it with a couple fro-yo stores. And can you imagine how much parking there would be on Jupiter? Think about how few cargo shorts there are in Venus? Doesn’t that alone make it worth the trip?

If you think about it, our planet is just a speck of dust, suspended in nothingness, who relies on a massive, deadly star that will eventually become the source of it’s demise, just to stay warm. Does that really deserve a holiday? Also it has a ton of mosquitos.

I mean, I guess there are a few cases to be made about how Earth is cool. Sure, I guess Earth is a place that’s so full of incomprehensible beauty, that our only explanation for it’s vastness is a godly figure in the sky. A sphere so perfect that our fear of departing has driven us to create religions just to convince ourselves that maybe there’s something better. A star so superior, that our only threat to our own humanity is ourselves.

Yea, it’s sort of dope how despite our existence as humans only spanning .13% of the planet’s entire existence, that of which you individually experienced basically none of, you’ve still lived through more emotion than you could ever comprehend. Every failure and success, every love and hatred, every single feeling you’ve ever felt has all happened under this one small roof. Yea sure, every person, place or thing you’ll ever come in contact with is aggregated in this tiny sphere, that despite how small it is compared to the rest of everything, we’ll consider ourselves lucky to see a fraction of it.

Yea sure, I guess it’s worth noting how we rely on Earth’s resources so heavily, while taking it for granted so severely, that the only human figure worthy of it’s anthropomorphization is our collective mothers. And even with that, at least mother Earth doesn’t yell at me for not putting my laundry away.

But yea, besides that, I can’t really come up with a good pro-earth argument. Still doesn’t change the fact that I have to wear a fucking coat outside today despite it being mid-April. Also mosquitos are really annoying.  Drill baby, drill.


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