PONCHATOULA, La. — Most couples who host “gender reveal” parties use a cake. Mike Kliebert announced the news with an alligator.
In a video posted on Facebook, Kliebert opens the jaws of an alligator and waits to be handed something about the size of a bowling ball. As friends and family cheer him on, Kliebert puts the ball into the gator’s mouth and lets the beast chomp down.
In a split second, the gator’s jaws burst through the “ball” – which was actually a hollowed out watermelon. And to the delight of the crowd, gobs of some kind of gooey-looking substance fly out of the gator’s mouth. The gobs are blue. The baby will be a boy.
First off, congrats to Mike Kliebert and his sister on their pregnancy. The fun part about this is both the newborn and alligator both have webbed toes (Two incest jokes in a row, we’re cooking today). Personally, I love the idea of integrating an alligator into a gender reveal. Everyone knows babies and alligators go great together, especially in Disney World.
This is the whitest thing I’ve ever seen. This couple could have eaten mayo while burning a cross, and it still wouldn’t be as white as using an alligator for a gender reveal. Us whites are getting way too cocky with things. We’re so bored with life that we’ve resorted to fucking with deadly animals for weekend fun.
I love that we’re at the point where even the most masculine, redneck guys are getting into gender reveals. Even Steve Irwin (RIP my prince) would think this is a little over the top.
Also how demoralizing is this for the gator? An animal who has a reputation for being one of the most deadly creatures in the wild is now a step above a pony at a birthday party. Like there’s no way this alligator can ever step foot back into the wild.
Then again, it’s still better than China, where the only gender reveal done in that country is deciding whether or not to throw it in a dumpster. No one’s dressing in floral for that party.
PS: I love the sneaky move to wear Crocs to an alligator reveal. It’s not particularly clever, but I appreciated the irony. Also is Mark pregnant too?