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Rock Street, San Francisco

Jay-Z had one expensive night out in Manhattan on Sunday, dropping more than $110,000 to celebrate the birthday of Juan “OG” Perez, his close friend and president of Roc Nation Sports.

Jay skipped the All-Star game to take OG Juan and a group of Roc Nation execs to Zuma in Midtown for dinner, picking up the tab of $13,000.

Then the group headed uptown to Made in Mexico in Inwood, spending $9,000 on drinks, including Jay’s D’Ussé cognac, followed by a stop at nearby nightclub Playroom, where — even though they were, by this point, down to a group of six — they ordered and paid full price for 40 bottles of Ace of Spades Champagne, which is owned by Jay.

The stunned Playroom server posted Jay’s check — which came to a whopping $91,135, including an epic $11,000 tip — on Snapchat.

Maybe I’m just a hater, but isn’t Jay Z a little too old for this stuff? There’s no way this can be fun for him. He’s 48 with kids. I’m 22, and I start to yawn if I’m at a bar past 1 am. Then again, if you really think about it, old people do tend to treat their houses like night clubs. There are actually a surprising amount of similarities between the two. Both places are unbearably hot. They’re really loud (old people love turning the volume all the way up on their TV’s). There’s drugs everywhere. And most of all, no one wants to be at either.

And what’s the obsession with buying expensive bottles of champagne? I don’t care how expensive and high end the champagne is, heartburn is still heartburn. If you take away all the theatrics of fancy champagne, you’re basically left with alcoholic seltzer waters. I also would rather not have to defuse a bomb every time I want to open a bottle. It’s 2018 just make it a twist off. Why are you making it difficult to drink your product? And a $13,000 dinner? I know money ain’t a thing for HOV, but there’s a monetary limit on how good food can taste. There’s no dinner entree that is $13,000 good. If my meal costs $13,000, it better be a gold brick covered in buffalo sauce.

Stories like this make me thankful that I’m not rich, because if I was, I don’t think I would ever stop drinking. The only thing that stops me from drinking every single night is my financial situations. I never get cut off by a bartender, and that’s because Bank of America cuts me off much earlier in the night. Nothing sobers you up quicker than getting that “Warning: Balance below $25” at 11pm on a Friday. Like oh shit, looks like I’m running home as fast as I can because an Uber is not in the cards tonight. When I get that doomsday email on a Saturday, I can deal with it, but when it comes on a Friday, I know I’m going to have to get creative with my funds for the rest of the weekend.

Also, if you’re a grown man, you should not celebrate your birthday. At least in this type of capacity. Personally, I one day strive to not know how old I am. I think that’s the true measure of success, and also Alzheimer’s.

This is another example of this weird time we’re in, where all these rappers from the 90’s and early 2000’s who didn’t get shot are starting to age, and are just shells of themselves now. Jay Z used to rap about selling snowflakes by the oz, now he raps about investing in art and commercial real estate. If you were to take the instrumentals out of some of his latest songs, they would just sound like a TedTalk, or an NPR podcast. Sort of makes me glad I’m not making it past 30.

PS: You think Jay Z makes dad jokes to the bottle girls? “Are you thirsty?” “No, I’m Jay Z, nice to meet you”


Post Author: timmccue191

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