Mel Gibson confirms “Passion of the Christ 2”, and I have some plot ideas

It turns out Mel Gibson has actually started work on a 14-years-later sequel to The Passion of The Christ. Caviezel confirmed to USA Today that Passion 2 is on, because Gibson has “cracked” the story and it’s going to be the most remarkable thing you’ve ever seen. “I won’t tell you how he’s going to go about it,” said the actor, who will be reprising his role as God’s Son. “But I’ll tell you this much, the film he’s going to do is going to be the biggest film in history. It’s that good.”

Shooting a sequel for The Passion of the Christ is like turning the Diary of Anne Frank into a trilogy. There’s limited direction on where you can take it, but if anyone can do it, its Mel Gibson. I really can’t blame him for trying to go for two after the success of the first one. Few can achieve that type of box office success while simultaneously sending out the healthy message that the evil Jews killed the son of God. Then again, an underlying anti-Semitic message from Mel Gibson? That doesn’t sound like him at all.

You know the men of Hollywood are really fucking up when Mel Gibson is getting projects green lighted. All it took was a couple hundred sexual assault stories to surface, and all of a sudden Mel’s little temper tantrum seems a little more benign. Then again, I’m interested to see what Mel can come up with for this film. If its anything like The Patriot I’m in. Not only is The Patriot one of my favorite movies of all time, it was also a breakout role for Heath Ledger, who was famously put the “meth” in the term “method actor”. He was the first actor to have his shooting schedule interfere with his, well, shooting schedule. (That’s a heroin reference).

Regardless, I feel inclined to give Mel Gibson a couple of my ideas for a Biblical Hollywood film. These ones are free but the next ones will cost ya:

Mary and Joseph go on Jerry Springer

“Joseph I’m pregnant with the son of God and you’re the father.” “Yea we’ll see what the DNA test on Springer has to say about that.” Joseph undoubtedly had the most ridiculous pregnancy scare of all time. Imagine having to explain that to your parents? “And on his 33rd birthday he found out it wasn’t his.”

An Entourage remake with Jesus and the 12 Apostles

If you think about it, Jesus and Vinny Chase are quite similar. Both are charismatic figures, have similar skin tones, and both brought their friends along with them once they made it big. Vinny basically rose from the dead when he came back from Medellin. Apostle Paul and Turtle are basically interchangeable, and I could easily see Johnny Drama getting kicked out of the Last Supper for being too much of a creep. E would be up Jesus’ ass all the time, telling him its not a good idea to party with the Lepers. Also think about how much further Jesus would have gotten if he had Ari Gold as his agent? You think Ari would have let Jesus get pushed around like that?

I can picture it right now. Jesus walks out of his tomb after three days, looks at everyone, and just drops “I am Queens Boulevard”.

Adam and Eve on the new season of Naked and Afraid

Adam and Eve went on the original blind date. Sort of an arranged marriage before arranged marriages were a thing. It was also the date from hell. Literally. I can’t imagine anything worse than getting cockblocked by Satin himself. Worst wingman of all time. Huge fuckboi.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with Cain and Abel 

In the Bible, Cain and Abel get into a fight about a sheep or something, but in this, I picture them getting into an argument over the drapes or wallpaper. Cain and Abel are the textbook names for a gay couple. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Jesus turns water into wine with Jon Taffer of Bar Rescue 

People forget that Jesus was the first Mixologist. Also Jon Taffer is the closest thing that we have to God. “Shut it down.”

The Story of Creation/House Hunters crossover

“Hi, my name is God, and I’m interested in creating the universe. My budget is $750,000. I’m looking for something convenient for work. My wife wants something in the country, but I want a place closer to the city.” Is Earth a Craftsman or a Colonial?







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