— Gizmodo (@Gizmodo) December 1, 2017
I think I finally found a tattoo I would get. You have to respect this guy’s dedication to trying his best not to be alive. I love that he went through the trouble of underlining the “Not” as if anyone has a tattoo stating “Do Resuscitate”. I might get a tattoo like this, but really mess with the doctors and make it a double negative like “Do Not Not Resuscitate”. If I had this tattoo, I would whip it out during even the most routine doctor’s appointments. “Dr. just so you know I have a do not resuscitate tattoo on me.” “Tim, this is a teeth cleaning, you’re at the dentist.” “Pull the plug.” “Tim that’s your phone charger.”
There’s debate on whether this tattoo is legally binding, and I vote that it absolutely is. Anything that you tattoo on your body should become law. I think I might just start tattooing all of my legal documents on myself. I’m not above making my social security number into a tramp stamp. I might go a step above this guy, and get my death certificate inked on my chest, and just leave the date blank to be filled in. I have some other ideas, too.
I don’t think it would be a bad idea to put my debit card info permanently on my body. People will be like “what are those Roman Numerals on your arm? Your birthday?” And I’ll be like “Nope, it’s my pin number.” I’m not stopping there, either. I want you to be able to steal my identity if you see shirtless. I’ll have my mother’s maiden name on my chest. Maybe put it in Latin or something so I seem cultured. I’d also obviously need a neck tattoo. Neck tattoos are like motorcycle gangs. They’re sort of bad ass, but also really gay. What would the neck tattoo be of? I have a couple options. I might tattoo my licence on it, that way I don’t have to worry about losing my ID at bars anymore. I also could go the route of getting my entire class schedule inked on me, because that’s also something that I struggle with. Classes end for semester end Wednesday (I think?), and I still have to look at my calendar on my phone to figure out which rooms my classes are in.
I also have an awful time remembering my passwords. I don’t even know my password for this site, I just have the auto sign in set up. Out of all the things that could lead to the collapse of this website, it will most likely be me not being able to sign in. That’s why I think I might need all my passwords tattooed on me as well. I think I’ll get a full arm sleeve of my passwords.
Basically, I want enough of my personal information tattooed on myself, so that you can know everything about me, without me having to talk to you. That’d be my dream. So shoutout to this guy for not wanting to be alive so badly that went to a tattoo party. See you on the other side.