Shoutout to Josh Gordon for admitting to drinking Mad Dog 20-20 before his high school games

So NFL wide receiver/bad boy Josh Gordon did another interview, this time with Sports Illustrated, opening up about his troubled past on and off the field. Obviously he’s had sort of a tragic life, but there were some parts of the interview that I feel like I have to talk about, like when he talks about getting hammered during class, and before games in high school:

Gordon says he smoked marijuana every day at Lamar and drank vodka from Minute Maid bottles during class. His junior year he started drinking codeine syrup mixed with soda—or “lean”—every night. Whenever someone offered, he’d pop Xanax, hydrocodone, oxycodone. Before football games he’d chug Mad Dog 20-20 straight out of the bottle just to see if he could play drunk. He was arrested for felony credit card theft five days after his 17th birthday and, no longer a minor, spent 35 days locked up. “You get shot, you go to jail,” Gordon says. “These are progressions in this lifestyle.”

Drinking vodka from a Minute Made bottle might be the most high school thing ever. It’s nice to know that even professional athletes still did the same stuff in high school as the rest of us. I’m not sure how, but every high school kid in America has some instinctive gene where they just know that putting alcohol in used water bottles is the perfect way to sneak it in anywhere. Football games, prom, your grandmother’s funeral, you really couldn’t go wrong with the classic water bottle full of alcohol. 90% of my high school experience was me pouring Rubinoff into Poland Spring bottles 3/4 of the way, then squeezing all the air out and stuffing it in my waistband. The danger of this tactic is that you lose track of which water bottles contain water, and which contain $11 vodka/gasoline, so once in a while you might wake up in the middle of night to take a sip of what you think is water next to your bed, and next thing you know, you’re cocked on a Tuesday.

Also, how about Josh Gordon drinking Mad Dog 2020 before his high school games? That’s just straight up impressive. If you’ve ever encountered Mad Dog, as I have once or twice, you know damn well that it does not sit well in your stomach. I’m honestly still not sure what type of alcohol it actually is. It’s like some mix of wine, mouthwash, and Four Loko. Needless to say, it’s not exactly Gatorade. Regardless, I do respect anyone who drinks Mad Dog.

I’m also not sure why the article specified that he drank Mad Dog “out of the bottle”. As opposed to what? Pouring it into a chilled glass and drinking it on ice? Everyone knows the proper way to drink Mad Dog is straight out of the bottle, preferably at room temperature.

Another excerpt I enjoyed from the interview is when he casually mentioned how he stole cars in high school:

Gordon would steal cars “almost every day,” he says, because “we just needed a ride.” He would either shatter a vehicle’s window or manipulate the locking mechanism, and his partner would do the hot-wiring. He also worked on a three-man crew that broke into homes—always empty, he says, but he was often carrying a gun—to steal electronics. “Whenever [the gang] could use you, exploit you on anything that puts you in danger of going to prison,” he says, “[I’d] be the guy.”

Stealing a car just because you need a ride is honestly hilarious. It’s so over top you can’t even get mad. I actually get where he’s coming from. Finding a ride somewhere was probably the most challenging aspect of high school. These kids now are spoiled with Uber and Lyft. Back in my day, you’d either have to convince your mom to pack you and your six friends in her mini van to drive you to your “friend who she didn’t know’s house”, that was conveniently located next to the woods you drink in, or pack some backpacks and walk 7 miles.

So shoutout to Josh Gordon for getting on the same liquid diet as me, and for creating his own ride sharing industry way before Uber and Lyft. I think ZipCar owes him some equity. Another Mad Dog success story.

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