The white supremacist website the Daily Stormer announced Thursday that Papa John’s pizza is the official pie of the alt-right, posting a picture of a pizza with a swastika fashioned from pepperoni slices. The caption reads, “Papa John: Official pizza of the alt-right?”
The pronouncement came after Papa John’s CEO John Schnatter, whose pizza is an official NFL sponsor, blamed his company’s recent losses on NFL players protesting police brutality during the national anthem.
In a weird way, reading this article made my Monday morning a whole lot better. Before I read this piece, I thought my Monday couldn’t get any worse. I have a midterm this afternoon, a case study due that I haven’t started, and also have to protect my country’s freedom at work tonight by checking people’s IDs, ( and giving up after a couple seconds because I can’t find where the birthday is listed, so I just let them in and hope for the best).
I was convinced no one in the world was bound to have a shittier day. Then this story came along, and I then realized, at least I don’t work for public relations for Papa John’s pizza. Now that’s a tough Monday. Imagine being head of PR for that company right now? I don’t even want to think about the Sunday scaries that person went through last night. Probably sitting on the couch, watching CNN while scrolling through Twitter, reading all the stories about Papa John’s like “work is gonna be a motherfucker tomorrow”. If I’m that person, I’m taking a personal day today, or at a minimum, working from home.
I’m interested to see what Papa John’s next move is. Do you try to put out the fire, or do you maybe just run with it, and just accept that you’re now the Pizza Nazi? I mean, there really is no such thing as bad publicity, and there is a void in the market when it comes to Nazi friendly pizza chains. It’s actually shocking that with how saturated the pizzeria market is, there are so few that are Nazi friendly. Business is all about separating yourself from the competition, as well as finding yourself a niche, and being labeled as the official pizza of the white supremacists is definitely one way to do that. Someone has to step up and corner that market. Unconventional? Sure, but so is there entire business model of selling cardboard with cheese and selling it to college students for homeless people for basically free.
Say what you want about the Nazis, but if we’re talking about them in a strictly business sense, they’re probably a pretty solid customer base. I mean, you have to admit that if there’s one thing that they’re good for, it’s brand loyalty. The whole Hitler fad ended over 60 years ago, and these people are still fanboying him. That’s dedication to the cause. A good one? Not exactly, but neither is Papa John’s pizza. Yea sure, they’re definitely dicks, but they take care of their own. I’ll give them that much.
So if I’m Papa John, I think I’d just accept my new reputation as the Pizza Nazi. Trade in the aprons for some white hoods and call it a day. It’s still a step up from their old reputation. And if you really want to stretch it, you could say that being associated with white supremacists gives off a bit of a bad boy vibe, and we all know how much women love bad boys. So yea, it might be a bit of an aggressive business strategy, but so was invading Russia in the middle of the winter. That worked out fine, right?
PS: Am I the only one who deep down believes that Papa John and Jared from Subway are cousins or something? They’re just way too similar not to be related.