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A New Castle man forced an 8-year-old girl to drive him around, according to a criminal complaint.

Police said Kevin Michael Cook, 24, forced the child into the vehicle and had her start driving to East Palestine, Ohio before they were stopped by two bystanders.

Police said they received a call regarding a reckless driver on Little Beaver Road around 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 3. The caller told dispatchers there was a small child operating the vehicle, according to the complaint.

The child told police they left her grandmother, Brenda Spencer’s, residence on Old Enon Unity Road and were attempting to head across state lines, police said.

Oh I’m sorry, Officer, did you want him to drive drunk? All I see here is a responsible, law abiding citizen with great judgement. He got to his car, realized that he was not in the condition to drive, and smartly deferred the responsibility to someone else. On this night, that someone else happened to be an eight year old girl. Whatever, things happen, we move on.

I don’t blame this guy one bit. This happened in East Palestine, Ohio (we’re thinking the same thing), and I feel like Lyft and Uber haven’t made their way out there yet. It’s tough to Uber Pool with a cow, and I’m not even talking about the animal. That would mean the man would have to take a cab. I had to take a cab home last night because my phone died, and that was an experience that no one should have to suffer through. The driver didn’t have a card machine, so I had to sit in the car at a 7/11 parking lot (could have been worse) while he called some random number and relayed my debit card info over the phone. If I’d have known I’d be traveling like it’s the 19 century, I would have just rode my horse.

This story sucks for me, because the main reason I was planning on having kids just went out the window. If your children can’t drive you home when you get too drunk, then what’s even the point of starting a family? I’m trying to raise a family of Uber drivers. My son will be the only four year old sitting in the Wendy’s drive thru line with a grown man in the backseat. That’s how you teach a kid responsibility. Some parents make their kids do laundry and make their beds, my kids’ chores will consist of ordering me a Baconater at 2am, then taking the back roads home. There better not be mayo on that burger or they’ll be some serious consequences when I wake the following afternoon. That’s tough love.

Also fuck this kid for being a terrible driver and getting caught. She was living every eight year old’s dream of getting to drive, and she blew it. That’s inexcusable. Driving is the easiest thing ever. Gas on the right, brake on the left, don’t use any mirrors. That’s really all you need to know.

The low-key funniest part about this story is that it happened at 7:30pm. That’s what happens when you don’t eat dinner before you go out drinking. I’d be more judgmental, but I know not to throw stones from glass houses. I’ll be honest, sometimes I drink on an empty stomach on purpose so I spend less money on alcohol. It’s all fun and games til you realize I’m a financial genius.

So some people might view this man as an alcoholic who put a young girl’s life in danger for a ride home, but I see someone not scared to think outside the box, and teach a little girl a new skill, as well as a couple life lessons. This is the definition of a teachable moment. Molding the young minds of tomorrow. One DUI at a time.


Post Author: timmccue191

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