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Rock Street, San Francisco

Massachusetts State Police said the man they arrested Tuesday was in a hurry to get away from them–but not such a hurry that he couldn’t stop to check if a local business was hiring.

State Police said they were involved in a car chase with Jose Jimenez, 26 of Lawrence, and that the chase ended after he ditched the car and ran inside Osprey Wireless in Westwood.

An Osprey employee told WBZ-TV Jiminez ran inside and asked to fill out a job application.

“He was as cool as a cucumber,” recalled employee Jeff Maron

Jimenez was wanted for assault and battery with a dangerous weapon after State Police said he fled a motor vehicle stop in Brockton last Thursday, running over a trooper’s foot with his green 1999 Toyota Camry in the process.

Has there ever been anyone more qualified to work at a cell phone store than this guy? There are more convicts working in cell phone stores than there are in jail. That’s a fact. I don’t have the data available, but I’ve spent enough time in the Sprint store to know that’s a real statistic. A Sprint uniform is basically a prison jumpsuit. Like it’s gotten to the point where when I walk by a Metro PCS, I can’t decide if it’s a cell phone store or a weed dispensary. In most cases, it’s both. Nothing wrong with multiple streams of income, I guess. I just hope Droid chargers are compatible with ankle bracelets. In my mind, here are the qualifications to work in a cell phone store:

  • Criminal record (felony preferred)
  • Shitty tattoo
  • A piercing that makes everyone around you uncomfortable
  • 1-3 baby mamas

Getting back to this guy, I respect the hell out of the move. My life is basically one big police chase, so I can relate.  This man knows that the best ability is availability. This is a great way to display to your future employer that there’s nothing that can stop you from getting to work on time, not even the law. Talk about going above and beyond.

The least surprising fact about the whole situation is that he was driving a 1999 green Toyota Camry. If you drive a 1999 Camry, let alone a green one, there’s a 100% chance you are guilty of some type of crime. No law abiding citizen drives that car. I feel like every Toyota Camry made before 2003 just permanently smells of stale weed and Subway foot longs. Nothing good happens in the back seat of a Camry. That’s the car that your friend’s 26 year old cousin picks you up in when he goes to buy you alcohol in high school, but he has to stop at some random house two towns over first to drop off a suspicious amount of cash. You sit in the back seat, feeling awkward as shit, because he asks you what you guys are doing tonight, and you make up some random answer because you know him and his friends will show up to your party. (This example got very specific, but I feel like everyone has been in this situation).

I forget what this blog was about, but I like the journey that we took. It started with all cell phone store employees being criminals, then it somehow took a turn to me talking about buying alcohol in high school. Life’s a rollercoaster.

Post Author: timmccue191

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