Football team coached by Nun loses 98-0

In recent years, its seems as if college football has been dominated by the same powerhouses, coached by the same big name coaches. You know the names. Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, Jerry Sandusky, all of which are hall of fame coaches in my mind. With that said, I never really had a favorite coach, until today.

Who is my new favorite college football coach, you might ask? The kicking and punting coach at THE College of St. Scholastica: Sister Lisa Maurer.

football coach

I love everything about her. The first thing that pops out at you is the hair. They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have, and Sister Lisa is doing just that by rocking the same exact haircut as Bill Belichick. I also respect the heck out of the denim. We need more denim in football. That should be the new motto for the NFL: More denim, less domestic assault.

Hiring a nun as your kicking coach is actually genius. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were the original three point conversion. To add to that, Jesus was the first to be pinned at the 33. Crossing the red zone is nothing compared to crossing the red sea. I have no doubt that the team will be incredibly disciplined when it comes to penalties, considering how much God hates Flags.

Also think about how big of a selling point this is in terms of recruiting talent. Sure every big name school pays their players, but how many can offer them a full ride to heaven? It’s also ideal on the injury front. Jesus healed dozens of lepers, so imagine what he could do to CTE and concussions.

I can only imagine the impact that Sister Lisa has on the sidelines on game day. I wonder if there are any benefits to switching the Gatorade with holy water? Is there any protein in Jesus Wafers?

Despite all those selling points, the first game of the season did not go as planned, as Sister Lisa and the rest of the God Squad got crucified.

football score

Not the best start to a season, but I think it’s smart to save your best performances for Advent, and take it easy during Ordinary Time. If I know Catholics like I think I do, they’re big on rising from the dead.

So I wish the best of luck to Sister Lisa and her coaching career, hopefully she can master the playbook like she did the Bible. Godspeed.


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