So since classes don’t start until next week, I’ve been home all day just rotting to death, watching hours of HGTV and other reality shows. I’ll admit the shows are addicting. I never thought I’d be so emotionally invested in watching an older couple decide on whether to go for the Colonial or the Craftsman. Riveting stuff. This TV bender has gotten me thinking about some reality shows of my own. Here are a couple ideas I have so far:
Little People Big World / Slam Ball crossover
This would be a dream come true for those little people. It’s a fact that everyone who can’t dunk a basketball has always wanted to. I did it once in high school and I will never feel as much as a man as I did that day. So that feeling must be double for little people. Also imagine the entertainment factor? Little people getting major air of trampolines recreating the Jordan Logo at will. I can’t picture anything more exhilarating. The ball will be the same size for my own enjoyment.
Ps. Shout out to me for using the term little people. It took ever fiber in my body not to use the M word. (Mutants)
The Bachelor with Bill Cosby
This could end up being problematic, but that’s what reality TV is all about. Like you go on the Bachelor, order a drink at the bar, then wake up 3 days later with a wedding ring on your finger. Boom, I just cut down the season to 3 weeks, and saved ABC a ton of money. Then again they might want to hire a couple extra lawyers, so it might end up costing them in the long run.
American Ninja Warrior / My 600lb Life crossover
I’m sick of seeing 150lb Crossfit nerds on this show, swinging around like 14 year old Chinese gymnasts. I want cannonballs. I want platforms collapsing. I’m not even against taking out all the obstacles and just having the whole course be a flight of stairs.
Extreme Tree houses / To Catch a Predator crossover
Extreme Tree Houses is a pretty cool show, but it feels a bit wrong to me. No one normal buys a massive tree house. If you’re over the age of 10, and have the desire for a tree house in your backyard, I’m assuming you’re using it as bait to lure in the neighborhood kids. Because of that, I say that after each tree house is complete, we send in Chris Hanson to set up one of his sting operations, and make it a combined two hour special or something.
Real Housewives of Saudi Arabia
Picture Real Housewives of Atlanta, except in a nicer area. Boom Roasted. But seriously, imagine the drama when one of the housewives shows some ankle?
Bar Rescue, but it’s just John Tafer shutting down any bar that doesn’t have draft beer
Honestly figure it the fuck out. I didn’t come to your bar to drink like I could at home. If you drink nice beer out of a can you’re a creep. Cans are made for Nattys, not IPA’s. Stop living in your fantasy land.