Man arrested for DUI after crashing into 17 parked cars

A 25-year-old Orlando man was arrested on DUI charges after he struck 17 parked vehicles at an apartment complex in Osceola County, the Florida Highway Patrol said.

Tony Futch was arrested and booked into the Osceola County Jail. Troopers said Futch was driving a blue 2003 Chevrolet Blazer and struck 17 vehicles in eight different crashes as he kept trying to park his SUV.

Futch, whose license had previously been revoked for DUI in 2013, refused to provide a breath sample, the FHP said.

I try not to make fun of drunk driving, but I also try not to eat like an obese 12 year old, so “try” is a vague term for me. With that said, this instance of drunk driving is funny. Say what you want about this man, but hitting 17 parked cars is an impressive accomplishment sober, let alone drunk. You could put me in a full race suit and helmet, stuff my through a race car window, and put me on a track, and there’s no way I could do that. I rear ended a lady a couple years ago and am still rattled about it. Her trunk was all messed up after. No word on the car though.

I also love how he refused a breath sample, like that was going to be the deciding factor of his fate. As if a little number will make everyone forget that he destroyed seventeen cars ten minutes ago. I respect that. Whether you just threw an interception or crashed into seventeen parked cars, a short memory is key. Just a guy refusing to let his past define him.

Honestly though, I’m in no position to make fun of anyone’s parking skills. The last time I parallel parked a car was 2012, the day I got my license. If I’m in the car with someone, and have to parallel park, I have to make them switch seats and do it for me. Is it sort of gay? Yea. But you know what’s even gayer? Parking too far from the curve. Lesser of two evils if you ask me. Guys being dudes, parking each other’s cars. RIP Paul Walker.

Lastly, I’m not even sure how this got on the news. This happened at an apartment complex in Orlando. This was probably the 8th craziest thing that happened there this week.

Also related but not really, does NASCAR have the gayest logo in sports?

nascar logo

For such a southern sport with a mostly male audience, interesting choice to go with a rainbow pattern. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Anyway, it’s Sunday night and I wrote this to put off studying for my final tomorrow. I haven’t ruled out the idea of injuring myself to get out of taking it. Nothing too serious though. I was thinking maybe an ACL tear or a minor case of small pox. Just something to give me a little more study time. Always scheming my next move.


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