My guide to fixing Healthcare

Healthcare has been a bit of a big topic lately when it comes to politics. With Obamacare being repealed, and Trumpcare being put in place, the commentary seems non-stop in the 24/7 news environment we live in. I find my Facebook feed filled with conservatives linking articles about Obamacare being racists towards white people, and Liberals sharing Odyssey and Buzzfeed posts about how Trump says mean things and everything should be free. I myself think that politicizing healthcare in order to push your party’s agenda is inhumane on both sides, but I’m just a kid who makes fun of people on the internet. I’ll stay in my lane.

Then again, I think I can help. I think I have some answers. Are they unconventional? Of course. But greatness happens outside of your comfort zone. I know that, and that’s why I complied a couple of ideas on how we can reduce the costs of healthcare in our country, as well as raise the standard of living and quality of life at the same time.

People over the age of 75 will not be allowed to wear seat belts

The biggest issue in healthcare, in my mind, is that old people are getting way to old. You know exactly who I’m talking about. The old guy you always see who’s spine is somehow at a 90 degree angle, just being slowly killed by gravity and basic physics. The lady with the tennis balls on the bottom of her walker who can’t remember the name of her third son because she doesn’t have one. Those people are the issue. They need to die faster, and I have the solution: Make it illegal for them to wear seat belts.

Think about it, who’s most prone to get into car accidents? Old people and teenagers. Teenagers aren’t an issue though. I watched 13 Reasons Why, and it looks like they’re taking care of their population issue internally. Good for them for taking initiative. Old people are the problem. If we make it illegal for them to wear seat belts, they’re gonna start dropping like flies. And honestly, how would you rather go out? Die a boring death of old age, or projectile through the front windshield of your brown Buick.

Bikers will not be allowed to ride helmets

I hate everything about bikers. There’s nothing ok about a grown man riding a bike wearing spandex. You shouldn’t be allowed to wear the same material biking to work that your daughter wears to her dance recitals. Just deal with the chaffing.

Prescription pills will be free, but there will be one hidden Viagra pill in every bottle

Sort of a “roll the dice” type situation here. You want free drugs, here you go, hope you’re feeling lucky. Life is a gamble, and taking your daily medicine should be too. Nothing  worse than taking you heart medication only to have to call a doctor in 4 hours.

Ambulances will have an Uber Pool-like feature

I’m a huge fan of Uber Pools. Everyone who knows me knows that. I’ve met some of my best friends in Uber Pools, and I hope to some day meet my future wife (or husband, been having some confusing dreams lately). With that being said, what better way to reduce the cost of taking an ambulance than splitting the fare with someone else with life threatening injuries.

Medical School will be reduced from 4 years to watching 2 full seasons of House (3 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy will also fill the requirement)

House is actually one of the most underrated TV shows ever. I’m convinced you can learn more from that show than any med school.

Bring back Polio

I have no clue why I’m including this in the list, but it was honestly the first thing that came to my head when I was thinking of ideas for this post. It doesn’t make sense, but it also might be genius. I’m not sure what it is, but I would love to write emails to my professors telling them I won’t make it to class today because I have Polio. I was going to delete this one, because I didn’t want to offend anyone who has been affected by Polio, but then I remembered there’s literally no one alive who has had Polio. Just in case, I apologize if any Polio survivors read this blog. I assume most jokes go over your head, because you know, you’re in a wheel chair.

So hopefully someone in Washington will take my advice, but probably not. No one wants want to listen to some handsome young writer and sadly that’s the world we live in. Nevertheless, he persisted.






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