Elephant in the room, this episode was weak. As tough as it is to admit, I feel that its my duty to call a spade a spade. This was a JV week. Sorry for being honest, but along with being a Bachelorette fan, I’m also a Bachelorette truther. With that out of the way, lets get into it.
Things got racial early
You knew it was going to happen, I knew it was going to happen, everyone knew it was going to happen. Rachel poured out her heart on national TV about how its getting tough to be a black woman on the show. Which I think is great, because she’s a perfect role model for young black girls everywhere. She’s sends a great message that if you really want to find love and be happy, go on a dating show, make out with every guy there, then make your choice from there. Absolutely beautiful. They go right to the rose ceremony, and Diggy and Brady get kicked out, probably for having the same names as her dogs.
1v1 Date with Dean
Next, they randomly go to South Carolina, where Rachel goes on a 1v1 date with Dean. Dean is hot as shit. If admitting that is gay, then consider me Perez Hilton. He’s also 25, and Rachel’s 32, so that sort of sets off my Gaydar a little bit. No stud like that in his 20’s is trying to settle down with someone halfway dead. Trust me I would know.
Anyway, Rachel and Dean go on possibly the worst date ever. They go on a picnic in some random empty field in the middle of nowhere to start, which I was fine with because I knew a twist was coming. You watch this show like I do and you start to pick up on stuff like that. The twist did indeed come, but in came in the form of a blimp. A blimp is by far the lamest form of air travel imaginable. That’s aviation 101. How many times do you have to fail out of pilot school to start flying blimps? So the couple went for a blimp ride, and Dean was scared shitless, but he made it cute. They talk about stuff I don’t remember, then go to dinner.
Dinner gets real, and Dean starts talking about his mother dying when he was a kid. I found this especially touching, as there’s no better way to honor your dead mother by using her battle with cancer to get laid and win a reality show. That’s just a special mother-son bond.
They then go to a country concert, and embrace each other on a bright elevated surface among a crowd, and the whole thing just seemed really weird. Idk, at least no one got sexually assaulted. That’s a big accomplishment for the Bachelor brand at this point.
Next comes the group date, which is somehow even worse than the 1v1 date. They start on a boat, and the guys start doing push-up contests and rap battles. Completely normal behavior for grown men. It then goes to a spelling bee, because Rachel wants someone with intelligence, and apparently knowing basic grammar is the only prerequisite for that. Dream big, Rachel. The spelling bee stunk, lets move on.
The episode ends with a bunch of the guys yelling at each other, as the sexual tension between them is at an all time high. Its almost as if they’re mad about how attracted they are to each other. Just a really weird scene. The episode overall was a snoozefest, but we get some hope with a look into next week.
We get a preview of next week, which is a two day episode (clear your calenders). They show some blood, eluding that finally something physical happens. I cannot wait. This show has me right where it wants me. #JusticeForDemario