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California authorities seized about 7,000 birds this week in what they said was the largest raid of illegal cockfighting in U.S. history.

The animals were recovered from an alleged cockfighting operation after a months-long investigation that culminated in a raid on Monday at a remote property in northern Los Angeles County, authorities said at a press conference on Tuesday.

“This, according to the experts here, is the largest seizure in U.S. history of illegal cockfighting roosters,” Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department Capt. Jeff Perry said at the press conference.

Big story coming out of Southern California today, as the police took on the largest raid of illegal cockfighting in U.S. history. Its interesting that the article clarified that it was illegal cockfighting. Makes you think, is there legal cockfighting? Because I want in. The closest thing I’ve done in regards to cockfighting is crossing swords with my roommates while taking a piss. And while that’s a great time, I want more. I’ve mastered that game. I’m a hall of famer. First ballot. Who do I have to get in contact with to get my foot in the cockfighting door? Is there a Facebook page?

I get how some people might think this is animal cruelty, but I honestly don’t think it is. Have you ever seen a chicken? Nothing special. Chickens are basically turkeys on heroin. If you were to anthropomorphize (word of the day) chickens, they would be the trashy girl on your Facebook who keeps sharing articles on how addiction is a disease, and how she’s proving all the bitches from high school wrong by finishing her GED 5 years later and enrolling in beauty school. Chickens would be the ones selling you flowers on Mass Ave, while you try your best not to make eye contact with them and lock your doors while trying to not make it obvious. How is this cruel, but we have no problem putting chicken fetuses in our breakfast sandwiches? I wish some breakfast place had the balls to rebrand their eggs as chicken fetuses. Would love to hear people order like “hi can I have a sausage, chicken fetus, and cheese on an everything bagel?” Waitresses have to ask if you want your chicken fetus scrambled or fried. Classic family dining.

Honestly if I were a chicken this is how I would want to go out. As a chicken, you know your only purpose is to be murdered, so why not make it interesting. It puts fate in their own hands. It gives the chickens a choice between life and death, as compared to immediately getting turned into McChickens. Its like Gladiator meets Charlotte’s Web. Fight Club meets Chicken Little.

Lastly, I feel like the term “cockfighting” has different connotations depending on the regions. If you’re in Northern LA and get invited to a cockfighting event, then your probably gambling on some fighting chickens. You go up north a little bit to San Francisco though its a whole different ball game (no pun intended). Its important to keep that in the back of your head. Cockfighting is a spectrum. If you ever get invited, just remember where you are. If you see a lot of nice gardens and cafes, you might want to pass. If you see a suspicious amount of pimped out Honda Civics and pitbulls, then you in for a good night. The more you know.

Post Author: timmccue191

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