What animal am I?

An all time brain teaser. I’ve contemplated this question for years. What animal best fits my physical and mental attributes. The “Who’s mans is this?” of the animal kingdom, if you will. I obviously couldn’t settle for one, so here’s a breakdown of my top choices:

Water Buffalo 

Water Buffalo are thiccc as fuck. They also have grey skin, which is perfect for me because I don’t see color. They can survive up to 9 years in the wild and up to 25 years in captivity, which gives us a pretty similar life expectancy. Water buffalo spend most of their day in the mud, I spend most of my day in the trenches. A match made in heaven.

The Leopard Seal 

The leopard seal is a dominant predator in its environment and is rarely preyed upon by other animals with the exception of human hunters

Sound Familiar?

The Sperm Whale

Sup, Ladies.

The Bottle Nosed Dolphin

Bottlenose dolphins are generally known to have a calm and playful temperament, particularly around humans. As individuals, bottlenose dolphins are not aggressive by nature but if they feel threatened, bottlenose dolphins will use their immense pod size to their advantage which will often intimidate unwanted intruders.

This is me, word for word. I’m playful as a motherfucker but don’t corner me. Don’t put me in a situation where I have to keep it real. Don’t make me do something that I’ll regret. Shooters shoot. Once I get in my war hawk mindset there’s no going back. I’ll steam roll you. Cage fight mentality. One minute I’ll be kissing you on the lips, next minute I’m coming in hot from the top rope. Don’t take my ability to kiss anyone on the lips as a weakness. It might be my biggest strength.


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